Stitch A Mate

Transferring Phonecalls

I don't know if this works on normal phones but I've utilised this little gem on a few phones at work.

First of all you need the number (or extension) of the intended victim, then you need the phone number of the place you're going to set your mate up with. For example, lets say that we're going to stitch up Dave by ringing up the 'Germaloids Piles Advice Helpline' (Haemorrhoids) on UK 0845 601 0901.

First, ring up the helpline and as soon as someone answers, say 'Please hold for one moment'. Then transfer the call to Dave. Dave's phone will ring and as soon as he answers it hang-up. Dave will then be connected to the 'Germaloids Piles Advice Helpline' asking what they want, and they'll be saying that he rang them, and all sorts of hilarity will unfold.

When working in a large company (with international extensions) then the fun was almost unlimited. It's best if you can actually see the intended victim. We used to stitch each other up when we all worked in the same office. My personal favourite was ringing up the Greece Warehouse, asking them to hold and then watching as my mate tried to speak to some Greek forklift driver who knew no English.

My greatest triumph was on my last day at this large company (which will remain anonymous). I had the number of a sex line, then I got the extension number for the warehouse PA system and forwarded this sex line to the warehouse PA system. The warehouse workers including engineers, forklift drivers and filling line operatives were then treated to an announcement detailing how 'Dirty Debra' was going to please someone with only the use of her mouth and yoghurt.

Use wisely my children.

Here are some numbers you could use (apologies if you do not live in the UK, try searching on Google)...

UK

020 7831 9831 - The Continence Foundation

08457 90 90 90 - The Samaritans

0845 603 2001 - British Stammering Association

0870 010 7070 - BBC Watchdog TV Programme

0870 606 7766 - the Immigration and Nationality Enquiry Bureau

The Rest Of You

Google - A search for 'phone hotline links'. These are mostly US sites so just put in your country as well if you don't pledge allegiance to Uncle Sam.

Click here to return to the main stitch a mate page.

Go to the top

Shiola.com - What's The Point?  Click here to go back to the home page.