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2004 ArchiveAll news item links open into a new window. Some links maybe dead by now. Click here to go back to the Manked News of this year. Click here to go to the Manked News of 2002.
Click here to go to the Manked News of 2003.
11th November 2004
A 57 year old man used to spank his two 19 year old female employees if they made any mistakes. Doesn't say if he bent them over his knee, or just spanked them as they walked along, but this guy should do a management skills training course.
10th November 2004
This is just blatantly ridiculous. If I took my Mum to court everytime she didn't get me a present I wanted, she'd be banged up for 45 life sentences!
4th October 2004
Apparently, these things happen. I don't know how or why, but they do.....and people find out about it, then report it on the news, and what was a private incident is now splashed across the internet totally destroying your family's name for generations to come. C'est la vie.
1st September 2004
Kind of baffling this one. Who is going to buy a stolen wheelchair? Surely thieves can't be so desperate that they have to resort to stealing wheelchairs. Hope they feel proud today while they light up the crack bought from the day's profits.
27th August 2004
There's a basic test that all modern art should take before it is displayed before the public - it should not be seen to be rubbish to a cleaner. This piece failed miserably and got chucked out. It literally is a bag of rubbish, not an unmade bed, shark cut in half, or a light bulb on it's side, or speckles of paint on a canvas - it was a bag of rubbish.....and some twat called it art. Full marks to the cleaner, I reckon the cleaner should go through the whole of the Tate and chuck out whatever is blatantly crap.
28th July 2004
This guy doesn't want to get deported from England, so what does he do? What any sane man would do in his position....slits his son's throat in a Bakery. Now he's going to get banged up and then deported as soon as he's released. Well played sir, you fucking dickhead. Hopefully he's a Hindu so he'll be continuously resurrected as a healthy dose of crabs on fat, smelly people for the next 400 years.
22nd July 2004
Yeah, and I bet he'd like to be torpedoed up the arse by one of his choir boys too. Another case of Cathlic priests getting frisky is no surprise, but the stupid thing is that they kept all the photos and video on their computers. The head Bishop bloke ain't resigning either, apparently all the French kissing naked boys were just 'traditional Christmas kisses'....yeah, that's right and I suppose you then delivered the 'traditional Christmas money-shot' to the face?
20th July 2004
This is obviously manked, but there's a part of me who'd love to see someone take this seriously and fall for it. Those pesky Nigerians are at it again, but this time, instead of trying to get your money for a business venture, they want you to pay them so they won't shoot you! Apparently they have been paid to assassinate you - all you have to do is pay more than they've been offered in order to save your own life. Bee-u-tee-full!
16th July 2004
Sheer stupidity personified here. Man sticks loaded gun in pocket and it goes off, shooting him right in the nuts. Guess what? He gets banged up for it for possessing an illegal firearm. Sussed. That's fucking Northern monkeys for you.
12th July 2004
I don't know what it is, but Cannibalism seems to be making a massive comeback. A prisoner who is doing bird for cannibalism, then kills his cell mate and eats his brain. Prisoners eating each others brains is allowed in my book. Shiola.com salutes you sir.
9th July 2004
The crappy title doesn't give this article full justice, what it's trying to say is that 'Air Guitar Aerobics' is the new thing. No it's not. It's fucking shit and the most humiliating thing anyone can do to themself.
27th May 2004
Not any old peeping tom, but a man dressed in women's underwear. When will people ever learn? You know what....I don't think they ever will. I work in this town, Westland, and you got to love the police here - they photographed the guy still wearing the bra...God bless you officers.
12th May 2004
Another piece of modern art. It's a dead sparrow....that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Fucking unbelievable shite. Check out the 10 interpretations for the highest level of pretentious shite you will hear.....until the next exhibition.
14th April 2004
A couple of teenagers fall in love, split up, then another girl gets involved - happens everyday right? Well, beware The Essex Girls, you get in their way and you'll get strangled, doused in petrol and then set alight. Nice.
8th April 2004
Some people have got an 'Eye Stud' in Holland. Basically a little stud thing that is kind of 'pierced' into part of the eye. UK eye specialists are saying it's a little dangerous - no shit, but some people NEED to be told. What next, internal organ piercings? Heart Tatoo's? Replacing bones with Titanium Graphite? Actually, that would be sweet.
1st April 2004 Check this fucking guy out. He's an ambulance guy and he molests old women when they are being taken into care. Jesus, what kind of place does he come from?!!!.......well,....errr....'The Worthing Herald' is the local paper in a UK seaside town down on the South coast, Worthing......ummmm.....in other words, my home town. Lucky I never took a trip in an ambulance!! The funny thing is that this story came out on April 1st, so you always question news on April Fool's Day don't you. I think this would be a joke too far though wouldn't it.
The story then goes on about how the guy says he's got mental problems, isn't his fault, childhood trauma...blah...bollocks! Shut up mate. You're a fucking mess.
26th March 2004 This guy murders a girl cause he got her pregnant. He makes it look like suicide and gets away with it. He then goes to see 'The Passion' and starts feeling guilty so he admits his crime to the police. OK, he fucked up for murdering a girl he got pregnant I admit, but to then give himself in because of a fucking film is plainly ridiculous. Thanks to this guy we're now going to get all the religious nuts saying how important this film is and Jesus will lead criminals into The Light, etc, blah, blah....
This guy is only 21 too, he could have at least waited until he was 60 or something. What a twat. Now 'The Sisters' will help him redeem his sins in the slammer. If Heaven doesn't exist, this guy is going to be very gutted.
17th March 2004
So there's some innocent guy crossing the street somewhere in France, just so happens he 'looks' similar to Bin Laden. So what does a passing driver do? Phone the UN? Call the White House? Phone the French police? Of course not, he tries to run the lookalike over. This guy is also classified as a 'struggling artist' - he's struggling because of his fucking poor eyesight.
10th March 2004
Hopefully this idea won't take off as the night sky will just be a mass of poorly designed flashing lights, and the daytime too probably. Just a plainly shit idea, bin it.
10th March 2004
You'd have to be insanely stupid to try and spend a $1 million dollar bill at a Wal-Mart store when the total goods you've bought only add up to around $2,000, wouldn't you? Yes, especially as there's no such thing as a $1 million dollar bill.
10th March 2004
A couple watch Montel who's doing a show about domestic violence. The couple get in an argument about it and the woman ends up shooting the husband. Sweet poetic justice? Another bizarre slice of Americana? A sign of the times? Just plain fucking manked if you ask me.
18th February 2004
Get a life Valencia fans.
9th February 2004
This is something that needs to be rectified urgently, not because it's shocking that kids are using clingfilm and crisp packets for condoms, but we need to do everything in our power to stop council scum from procreating.
6th February 2004
This bloke raped a fucking 13 month old baby!!! what the fucking mother fucking fucking planet am I on?!!!
21st January 2004
Errr...hang on...ermmm...so they're in court....errr...and it's difficult (no shit!)....so, errr....the judge is confused as fuck....and.....errrr....check it out for yourself.
16th January 2004
Sepp Blatter kicks us off into the New Year with some sexism. Sepp wants all the women to wear hot pants and bras when they play football to attract more attention. Shiola.com had a prophetic vision of this happening, if you examine the Porno Domain Names you'll see - www.seppblattersfannybatter.com - as one of the choices. Are we masters of the future? No, it's a simple male fantasy that if you actually took into the real world wouldn't really work. Have you seen most of the female footballers? I'd much rather see Ian Dowie in hot pants!
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