a fucked up thing happened today

[Unforgiven]

Today i was cleaning my room (I do that about once every 10 years), listening to APC. I was picking some stuff up when I felt an almost irresistable urge to scream. I almost lost it. I started throwing stuff and got really pissed off for no apparent reason.

It was kinda the same thing that happened to me while I was still working in Surrey. I was working, it was raining, i was weed whacking banks, and couldn't keep my footing, my weed whacker was being a bitch, so I nearly beat the shit out of the nearest thing I could find. In this case, a group of barrels that were there for some unapparent reason.

Yeah... same kinda deal. So, here I was, about to beat the shit out of my bed with a metal bar, when I thought to myself... "ed... what the FUCK do you think you're doing?" That little voice saved my bed... I slowly regained some of my sanity. I was still throwing things around, though, it's my way of sorting through stuff. "garbage... not garbage... etc etc." You know how it goes.

Anyway, a question arose in my mind. Am I legally insane? There are times when I question my sanity. This was one of those times. The last time was the aforementioned event in Surrey 3 months ago. Who knows when the next one will hit me.

The question I ask you now is.... Is there a cure? If there is, hook me up.

[Drunkpup]

I think you are afflicted with 'Hooliganitus' -a (usually young) person, can be a member of an informal group, who commits acts of vandalism or criminal damage, starts fights, and who causes disturbances but is not a thief.

On a serious note, my brother had a similar problem. He was diagnosed with a brain chemical disorder such that a change in synaptic impulses caused severe, and energetic, outbursts. He is doing good now with the help of meds and therapy.

[washing up liquid]

i once messed up da class room cos my mates had knicked my chocolate spread sandwiches and i flipped.

[dontpanic]

Indeed, you might be a loon. But probably you had just had enough and weren't going to take it anymore.

[Julia]

I scream into a pillow sometimes for no pronounced reason. Nothing that violent though.

[staticxess]

Sounds like Julia you are suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Many people experience the symptoms you just mentioned -including myself in my teens.
Uncontrolled emotions such as anger/frustration can be managed with antidepressant meds
but if you can identify what has caused you to feel angry and frustrated initially at the moment and the original causes in your past memories or experiences you'll be better off in the long run.
Next time you feel like that - try this - seriously it works....

Stop what you are doing for a moment ( you've already managed to do this "time out" yourself) and focus on your breathing, chances are you are breathing very shallowly almost hyperventilating yourself which causes your adrenaline to rise or "shoot through your skull".
Take several deep breaths thru the nose and exhale out the mouth and count from 1 to 10, then continue breathing as I stated (deeply etc.) and count backwards from 10 to 1.
Try meditating to APC , they are a great band and not everything they do causes one's nerves to jump. (prayer, yoga, close your eyes and still your mind and body, or whatever you need to do to relax).
So listen to calming music not music that will get your adrenaline pumping when you know you are going to be doing something seemingly "stressful" for your constitution. Not everyone has the same tolerances, reactions and adaptability to stresses. Nothing to feel ashamed of or feel like you are going crazy. You are not, it is "normal" to feel frustrated at times. Soon you will adapt and be able to deal with anything that may come your way.
Caffeine is possibly a culprit here too. So stay away from caffeine as much as you can. Certain teas, like green tea have natural caffeine in them that is much better than coffee or cola beverages that have high concentrations of "dirty caffeine". Caffeine is similar to cocaine as it produces an adrenaline rush and stimulates the production of adrenaline. Which can eventually exhaust the mind and body (primarily your adrenal glands) by making a person so wired for so long that it destroys their body's ability to function without being constantly on edge and being hyper-aware also commonly called "fight or flight" reactions followed by periods of crashing or feeling burned out.
That alone wreaks havok on one's mind. Look at it from a perspective of watching others run around frantically like chickens with their heads cut off and exhausting themselves for seemingly "no good reason". Duh, doesn't seem to be working for them does it really?
Anti Depressant drugs are equally dangerous and have been linked to serotonin syndrome which is a very dangerous and a potentially fatal side effect of serotonergic enhancing drugs like Prozac,etc. which can have multiple psychiatric and non-psychiatric symptoms the serotonin syndrome can be fatal. So I don't recommend that road, they just suppress the negative feelings experienced until the person who is taking them has increasing outbursts of violence similar to what they experienced before only worse. I've seen it happen and don't think you need that. Hope this helps. Overall, don't worry, just take it slow and relax about things. You'll be fine. I promise. : )

[Julia]

Uh... I'm not suffering from a disorder that can be solves with modern medicine. I think you mean to direct that to the person who trashed his or her room. I just yell. :)

[Jut]

Anti Depressant drugs are equally dangerous and have been linked to serotonin syndrome which is a very dangerous and a potentially fatal side effect of serotonergic enhancing drugs like Prozac,etc. which can have multiple psychiatric and non-psychiatric symptoms the serotonin syndrome can be fatal. So I don't recommend that road, they just suppress the negative feelings experienced until the person who is taking them has increasing outbursts of violence similar to what they experienced before only worse.
well just for the record i'd like to clear up two mistakes you have made.
1) serotonin syndrome is brought on by the combination of two or more drugs that affect the levels of serotonin (i.e. an MAOI and a SSRI combined is a BAD idea), or if you start taking high high doses of a drug......you'll be fine as long as you have a doc whos worth a shit.
2) yep they suppress symptoms but the idea is to suppress them to take the edge off while therapy does it's work.
the benefits of 'going that route' far outweight the cons

[Jut]

and to the first poster....if you're really that worried, go see a doc before you hurt someone......tis nothing to be ashamed of

[staticxess]

Uh... I'm not suffering from a disorder that can be solves with modern medicine. I think you mean to direct that to the person who trashed his or her room. I just yell. :)

Whoops....
You're right. I'm terribly sorry if I offended you Julia. I meant my response for Unforgiven.
With the blizzard we had out east here and constantly digging out my truck and consequently getting the flu I guess I made that error in my delerium and omitted
addtl info about Seratonin Syndrome and the importance of therapy as Jut pointed out.
Bear with me. I think that since Unforgiven seems to have reognised a problem is a great step in their figuring out what's really bugging him or her.
Julia you did say "I just yell" and "I scream into a pillow sometimes for no pronounced reason" however. Do you find that way of dealing with your anger to be healthy behaviour?
For no pronounced reason? Don't yell at me. Lol
Just curious, not trying to poke at you.

[Julia]

I do find it to be healthy. Healthier than trashing my room or letting it out on a loved one. I think it's important for people to realize their emotions and to let them out. If I were to cork up those yells, I don't see that as being very healthy either.

[Jut]

ha when i get pissed off i just train extra hard during kung-fu....feel a shit load better for it after.....well mentally anyway.

[staticxess]

I do find it to be healthy. Healthier than trashing my room or letting it out on a loved one. I think it's important for people to realize their emotions and to let them out. If I were to cork up those yells, I don't see that as being very healthy either.

That's true, I agree.
That's totally better than beating the
shit out of inanimate objects unless it involves
exercise or martial arts which are beneficial to relieving stress
what's worse is abusing animals or other people
by sreaming at or beating the shit out of them
unless it's in self defense.

So you're not really yelling into a pillow for no pronounced reasons.

[sirgiles]

I think living in Surrey is the culprit here...not a normal place at all....

[crazyrussian]

get apunching bag and put someones face on it that you really hate and beat the shit out of it... youll feel a lot better after that