Below is the Albumscope reading for this month. You can either try to guess what album this reading was taken from, or if you can't be arsed to play stupid little games, just click here and spoil the fun.

Click here for horoscope related links.

Click here for the Albumscope archives.

  Aries
  (March 21st - April 20th)

Things at the top of your list this month are to walk the suburbs, start a new career in Rome and then take a rest. Neptune has nothing to give this month. The opposite sign of Libra is playing tricks with you, when the two-backed beast arises you may hear some drumming. Recommended board game is Monopoly.

  Taurus
  (April 21st - May 21st)

If someone tries to sell you 'Liquid Lino' ask them what the hell it is - then let us know. Taurus is a bull but a crying Rhino is the one to watch out for this month. The Sun and Saturn are making things hard, your only option is to smoke until you're senseless.

  Gemini
  (May 22nd - June 21st)

Don't open any official letters this month. Saturn switches in, Mercury switches on and The Sun switches off.

  Cancer
  (June 22nd - July 22nd)

If your neighbours from around the corner aren't exactly like 'The Joneses', then move. Don't let your brain explode and if you're feeling hungry, make sure you eat properly. Lucky brand is Stussy...unless you're getting seduced.

  Leo
  (July 23rd - August 23rd)

This month could be hard work on the senses and basic living requirements, like breathing...but anyway...fuck it. Mercury is somewhere around, doing things, not that it helps you much...it's a friggin planet. Don't watch MTV on fast forward.

  Virgo
  (August 24th - September 22nd)

Get things off your chest this month and tell someone some stuff. If they're not interested that's because you're boring, not because they're heartless. Don't tell them about your mother though. Look out for someone with the same eyeballs as you - especially if your place of work has retina scanning security.

  Libra
  (September 23rd - October 23rd)

If you're having a laugh with someone think twice about your actions. Don't smoke anything cheap. The 1st is wicked if you know it's going to be wicked...ooops, too late.

  Scorpio
  (October 24th - November 22nd)

Don't mess with anyone elses credit cards. These Albumscopes are nothing new, just copying an old idea so what the fuck are you doing taking notice?

  Sagittarius
  (November 23rd - December 21st)

Don't complain if someone doesn't want a marathon session, you can look better then. On the 12th of Always Jupiter will be ahead of you. The 23rd will bring forth a new era in a dimension far, far away - nothing to do with you.

  Capricorn
  (December 22nd - January 20th)

The best starsign of this month. You don't even need to try to do anything, things will come your way and that's all. Give as get as you get, and if anyone looks like they want to get tasty - give them the full force of evil. It's all about bravado.

  Aquarius
  (January 21st - February 18th)

Gutted, this is the worst starsign to be this month. Constant struggling, especially as you're going to be conditioned to accept second best. If any of your shadows are anything other than just black, then you're on drugs. Check for any labels on you.

  Pisces
  (Febraury 19th - March 20th)

Use a ball of wool so you don't lose where you came from. You can either fuck yourself up this month or build yourself up...something to do with the good ship Venus and Mercury.

Related Links:

Here are some links to other sites that will help sort out your miserable little lives, or, at least they claim to. Obviously Shiola.com does not concur with this bag of horse shit but you're free to spend your money how you wish.

  • Keen - Your Personal Advisor - click here to sign up to free daily and weekly emails. Be more frequently disappointed there than here.
  • Astro Center - you can get compatibility reports, natal charts, emails, consultations, etc, etc, blah, blah, karma, I can see your aura, etc, blah.
  • The Online Psychic - get a bunch of psychics to tell you some stuff - love, sex, career, family, friends, home AND lottery numbers! Surely they'd keep that bit a secret, or at least sell it for a load more money.